I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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