I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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