I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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