Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
