the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
