Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
