You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I would fuck him just for his dog
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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