My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
