my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
