well you can't waste a boner
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize