I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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