Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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