the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
