don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm really busy with my period
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
