this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I am one with the molecules
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize