Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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