She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
