They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I had to cum in my sink.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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