My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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