i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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