I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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