I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize