is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i think i have herpe
just one?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
