His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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