Can Purell be used as lube?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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