A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
