I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
