dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
