I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
