What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
