On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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