I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
