morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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