Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
