I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
