apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
