we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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