You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My liver just had a heart attack.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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