Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize