I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
this just has baby written all over it
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
