I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
