hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
