So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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