Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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