we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
