Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
