is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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