Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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