VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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