Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Bring me that man meat
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