It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
