Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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