my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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