are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
