I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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