Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
