And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
