My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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