I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
