Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
