you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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