Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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