Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
