At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
