Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
